Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
