all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
