I wish my penis had an off switch
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
