It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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