I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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