I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
