I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
