Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize