We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you win again, gameday.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
40s are totally the cure
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
