some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
