He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
