So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
