I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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