So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
