The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
