it wasn't lemon gatorade
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
