I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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