I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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