What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
