when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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