Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
