Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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