that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
