It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
