Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
