I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
