I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
