he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
