Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
