I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
