Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
