it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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