I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
