he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
