Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize