In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
