At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
