You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
