I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if only i could text you this smell
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
