i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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