Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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