just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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