i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
