She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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