I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
