I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
