I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
