Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just puked most of my soul out..
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