I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
