Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
