moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
