My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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