sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
