Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never underestimate the power of titties
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
