I'm really into asian looking animals
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
