So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
