Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
