Me too!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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