She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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