So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
