Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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