I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize