oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
