Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
