i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize