1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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