Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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