i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A+ Viking dick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
