Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk is not a location!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
