Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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